Skin and Bones

I lock the door and turn all the water on. Bury that sound, so no one hears anything anymore.

Cut deeper and deeper into my skin as I cry, all you hear is the rivulet from this faucet.

Mirror lie to me, tell me you can see. Maybe you won't be able to recognize me now.

Change my clothes, change my hair. Just hoping you don't recognize me. Just hoping you realize I'm hurting.

I know you can feel, all the things you steal. And you're taking it, and you're taking it.

You take bits and bits of me and tear me apart without realizing it. Now I'm everything I'm not.

Feeling so easy, make me skin and bones, I'm always on my knees for you.

You know I need you. I would do anything for you. I will never admit it.
But you know it, I'm desperate for your help, so please just help.

Well sometimes it burns, maybe I'll wash it out. It all look so big. Never mind, I don't feel anything.

Cutting stops the pain and my skin starts crying blood.
But its okay, because I know I will feel better temporarily.

It only hurt a bit, and I still feel like shit. And I think you won't be able to recognize me now.

I feel disgusting and ashamed, but its the only way.

Its easier to quit, its harder to admit.

Its simple to quit cutting and kill myself, its more difficult to tell you.

And you're pushing me, you're fucking pushing me.

You keep making me cut again, I just can't stop.

 

-Kathy C.

Hurts to Understand...

It hurts to have to understand.

Its not enough to care about you.
Its not enough to love your smile.
Its not enough to miss you when you're gone.

It doesn't matter if I love your jokes.
It doesn't matter if I have the weirdest bittersweet feeling when you stare into my eyes.
It doesn't matter if I love the way you act like you cared.

None of this means anything unless you love me back.

It just hurts to have to understand.




-Kathy C.

Speak

I used to have a problem where I blurt out whatever was on my mind.
Now I stopped. I over think everything before I say it.
Because I know things cannot be unsaid.

I wish I never told you I loved you.

Now things are so bottled up I'm killing myself.
I'm a million secrets ready to spill.

I've ruined too much of my life to change again.
I need to. But I don't want to.
Maybe its better for everyone that I leave forever.



-Kathy C.

Rose

Red rose of happiness
You're lavished with kisses
But none are honestly true
They only know what they want from you

All you perceive is the sun
Love and warmth from everyone
Along with a proposal they speak of
Red rose for a false love

Black rose for a black heart
Romance starts to fall apart
All you can but dream
Stop the blood stream and scream

Words this pale face left unsaid
You lie vapid on her death bed
Thorns prick with love's regret
Black rose of the dead




Happy Valentine's Day. I hope all the world is happy even though I'm dying.

-Kathy C.

Confess

Emerging pitch blackness.

Scattered cemetery roses.

Whispering silence,

Piercing breeze.

Savor blood and bitterness.

Pain will not confess.



-Kathy C.

How I'll Die

Inject the venom.

Drink down the poison.

Breathe in the acetone.

This is how I'll die alone.



-Kathy C.

Weakness...

I'm weak.
I will bend, give, and break with a little push.
And here I thought picking up that razor blade was the strongest I've ever been.
But I've come to realize cutting shows I'm the weakest I ever was.
It can only keep me alive for so long.
I'm ready to go.




-Kathy C.