Darkest Hole

Since you left I feel like there's this hole in my heart.

Its the darkest hole you'll ever see, there's not a spark of light.

The whole time I only wanted to fill it in with anything I could find.

Just not to feel empty.

But I've been filling it with pain, hurt, hate, and all these ugly things.

And trying to make feelings make sense make things even more confusing.

Now I have a messed up heart.

...I thought I could fix it.



-Kathy C.

Happy Birthday

March 3rd was my birthday. I'm 15 now.

All I wanted to do is kill myself.

It hurts to have to pretend to be happy in front of everyone.

And I hate how I realized I got so good at it.

I put up a perfect act, not one fall from this false smile.

My best friend believed me, believed I was the happiest person she's ever seen.

Everyone said "Happy Birthday."

The irony in that...I wasn't happy nor do I feel alive.

Last year today was when he broke up with me, he couldn't even tell me himself.
He sent our friend to tell me the news. I cried just knowing how unimportant I was to him.
I hope he never finds out, that I'm still in love with him.

-I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect,
act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me.






-Kathy C.